How to find a therapist as a Highly Sensitive Person: 5 Steps from a Boston, MA HSP Therapist
Congratulations for prioritizing yourself by looking for a therapist!
Healing emotional wounds is as important as setting a bone fracture. And finding a therapist who is a good match is essential - research shows that over 50% of success in therapy is predicted by how comfortable you feel with your therapist. That means that even if a therapist is amazing and has lots of certifications, if you don’t click with them, therapy isn’t going to be effective for you.
I’m Bronwyn, a therapist for Highly Sensitive People. I’m licensed in Massachusetts and Wisconsin and provide virtual therapy for women living in both states. I know that finding a therapist is daunting! If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, making decisions is hard enough as it is (heck, it took all day just to figure out what to have for dinner last night), and finding a therapist is no different.
Take comfort in the fact that HSPs are wired to do well in therapy, as Elaine Aron notes in her book The Highly Sensitive Person. Settle in to the fact that this will be a process, and one that will have huge benefit for you.
Remind yourself that the positive side to taking a long time with decisions is that you make really good decisions! You don’t do all that research and thoughtful reflection for nothing - at the end of it you have a really solid decision. And you can do the same with finding a therapist.
Below are some strategies to find a good match - use it as a guide. If checking every box is what you need, do that. If taking one thing from the list and doing nothing else is what you need, do that. You know yourself.
You GOT this!
How to find a therapist Step #1: Get clear on your finances
Therapy is an investment. If you are paying out of pocket (or partially out of pocket by using out of network, HSA or FLEX benefits), figure out how much you can invest each week. Fees for therapy vary, and knowing a range of what is possible for you before narrowing down is helpful.
If you are using insurance, make sure you understand your benefits. There is a lot of fine print, limits, deductibles, etc. Insurance (both in and out of network) will require a diagnosis and will have access to all your therapy records. Often you can call your insurance and tell them what you are looking for in a therapist (gender, location, credentials), and they will give you a few names to start with. You can also look up online for a list of people in-network, or you can search directories and filter for your insurance. (see below for some online directory ideas)
How to find a therapist Step #2: Compile a list of possible therapists
When searching, keep in mind what you want support with, and make sure your therapist is qualified to help. Does their website talk about the things you are struggling with? Do you resonate with the language they are using? It’s really important that you feel comfortable with your therapist.
This process will take time and energy, and when you are feeling depressed and anxious, everything is an effort. Think about scheduling in 5-10 minutes a day so that it feels more manageable. Here are four good places to start finding people:
Check out Elaine Aron’s HSP Therapist directory
Elaine Aron is the one who coined the term “Highly Sensitive Person” and has done an incredible amount of research on it. Her directory is a great starting place for HSPs. Anyone on the list has engaged in learning about the Highly Sensitive trait and passed a test created by Elaine Aron on the subject of working with HSPs in therapy. The directory lists therapists by state - you will need someone who is licensed in the state that you live in. (Being licensed at minimum means that the therapist has approved education and training to practice.)
Look on other online directories
There are a lot of them out there, so don’t stop at Psychology Today (in fact some therapists may not be listed there out of choice to avoid supporting an organization that centers white, heterosexual and male voices). Mental Health Match, Latinx Therapy, Zencare, Asian Mental Health Collective, Therapy Den, and the Association of Black Psychologists are a few to start with. If you don’t have insurance (or if you can’t afford your insurance copay or deductible), check out Open Path.
The directory listing is a good place to narrow down, and if you like someone you can go to their website to get a better sense of who they are.
Ask someone you trust
If you have a friend or provider that you trust, ask if they have any recommendations.
This can be a great way to find people you otherwise may not find. It can also be a good way to find someone that you connect with. If you connect with the friend or provider, there’s a good chance you’ll connect with a therapist they recommend.
If you’re an HSP, anticipate that you might feel obligated to see a therapist that someone you know recommended. If so, know you are completely normal and that you are in fact not at all obligated to see any therapist that someone else likes. You are in charge. Whether you’re an HSP or not, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to work with a therapist.
Do a google search
Use key words of things you are looking for in your therapy and your therapist, like “depression”, “trauma treatment” or “Gestalt therapist.” Include your location since you will need a therapist who is licensed in the state you live in. If you are using insurance, include the name of the insurance company to help narrow the search.
How to find a therapist step #3: Make contact and assess
This might seem impossible since you just finished an obnoxious amount of research and might want to never look at a computer again. Most therapists in private practice will offer a free consult call. (If you’re using your insurance, you may just need to call an intake coordinator and schedule an initial session.) I recommend not treating this quite like dating and taking some time with one therapist at a time. It will be less confusing that way. In my experience, you will need more than one session to feel solid in your decision. Elaine Aron offers slightly different advice. She recommends choosing three therapists and meeting with them each once. You know yourself best, do what is going to get you what you need.
Keep in mind: If you feel pressure to schedule, or if it feels like therapy might be more for the therapist than you - take note and keep looking. And even if they seem very skilled but you’re just not feeling it - it’s not rude to say this isn’t a good match. (On the flip side, don’t take it personally if for some reason the therapist says they wouldn’t be able to help you. Trust that they know what they do best, and look into the referrals they give you.) Finding the therapist you need is not about whether the person is a great person, it’s about whether they are a great person for you.
How to find a therapist Step #4: Sleep on it, trust yourself, and speak up
Give yourself some time after meeting to see how it feels. HSPs especially need space to make decisions. In the end, remember that you make good decisions. Trust yourself. If you are wanting to do long-term work, it will take a bit of time to know how the two of you work together.
When you have made a decision, know that nothing is perfect. Your therapist is going to mess up. It will be hard. You might want to quit. When your therapist messes up, and when it’s hard, and when you want to quit - tell your therapist. That’s part of therapy. It’s part of the reason you need to feel comfortable with your therapist - if you don’t, there’s no way you will be able to bring up the things you would rather ignore.
How to find a therapist Step #5: Give yourself lots of kudos
Seriously - finding a therapist is a lot of work, even if you’re not depressed and anxious.
Pat yourself on the back at every stage. It’s worth the effort.
You got this.
About the Author
A Clinical Social Worker and owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy, I want everyone to find a therapist they click with.
I provide online therapy for women living in Wisconsin and telehealth therapy in Boston and throughout Massachusetts. In addition to therapy for Highly Sensitive people, I also provide counseling for depression, and anxiety counseling.