How to Practice PMR for Anxiety: Six steps from a Massachusetts Anxiety Counselor

Greetings from a Massachusetts anxiety therapist! Previously I wrote about what Progressive Muscle Relaxation is. Progressive Muscle Relaxation, also known as PMR, is a great long term strategy to reduce anxiety. How exactly do you do PMR for anxiety? Today I’ll lay out the basic how-to’s of how to practice PMR for anxiety.

If you go through all the muscle groups in your body, it will take about 20 minutes. Give yourself a bit longer when you’re starting out and still getting used to it. You can practice PMR for anxiety at any time of day. Some people find it helpful to do progressive muscle relaxation first thing in the morning. Others like to do it before bed to help them sleep. You get the most benefit if you do it every day. However, don’t let that stop you from doing it less frequently. Any time that you do it is better than not at all.

Edmund Bourne, PhD gives a fantastic and thorough description of Progressive Muscle Relaxation in his book, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. I have referenced a few of his tips below.

PMR for Anxiety Step 1: Breathe

Start by finding a quiet place where you won’t be distracted. You can be seated in a chair or lying down. Make yourself as comfortable as possible.

Take a few deep, belly breaths in and out.

Exhale slowly, and imagine tension leaving your body while you do so.

PMR for Anxiety Step 2: Focus on a small group of muscles

Focus on a muscle group in your body, like all the muscles in your feet and toes. Keep it to a pretty small area. For example, some areas could be all the muscles in your feet, hands, forehead or abdomen.

There are plenty of ways you can experiment with progressive muscle relaxation. For example, you can start with the muscles in your head and work your way down, or start with your feet and work your way up. The groups of muscles that you focus on can change as well. You could work with all the muscles in your arms and hands at the same time, or you could focus on arms and hands separately.

PMR for Anxiety Step 3: Tighten your muscles

Tighten only that group of muscles for between 7-10 seconds. Don’t forget to breathe! While you are holding tension in your muscles, keep breathing. Experiment with how tightly you are clenching your muscles. You don’t want to tense so much that it’s painful. (I’ll talk about contraindications to PMR for anxiety below.) You do want to notice what it’s like when your muscles are tight.

PMR for Anxiety Step 4: Soften your muscles

Release all the tension in the muscles that you were tightening. Do this all at once, not gradually, when you are exhaling a breath. Dr. Bourne recommends staying in this relaxed position for at least 15 seconds. While you’re lying still, notice the difference between the tension and softness in your muscles. Remember to keep breathing.

PMR for Anxiety Step 5: Repeat with different muscle groups

Move to a nearby group of muscles, like your calf muscles or shoulders. Repeat the process until you’ve gone through your whole body. Don’t forget to breathe, slowly, both when you’re holding tension and when you have released it. Keep noticing what it feels like to hold your muscles tightly, and what it’s like to let it go.

PMR for Anxiety Step 6: Keep breathing, and notice sensations

When you’ve finished, take a moment to keep breathing slowly and deeply. Notice anything you feel in your body. It could be tingling, lingering tension, softness, or something else.

Thank your body for doing this exercise.

For a more detailed script, google “PMR script” and see which ones resonate with you. Doing PMR for anxiety while reading this blog or a script will likely feel kind of clunky. Once you do it enough to get the hang of it, you can stop looking at the notes. Some people find it helpful to listen to a guided session of progressive muscle relaxation. There are plenty on YouTube to start with. Others like to record themselves giving prompts.

You may find yourself frustrated with guided scripts telling you to relax over and over. You’re not alone! Being told to relax is problematic for lots of reasons. One way to get around this is to adjust the progressive relaxation script to use different words. Even substituting “release” for “relax” can make a big difference.

PMR for anxiety: Contraindications

When practicing progressive muscle relaxation, always listen to your body. If you’re experiencing anxiety, it’s pretty common that you are quite practiced at not listening to your body. Tuning in to what your body is experiencing might make you feel more anxious in the short term. Be patient with yourself as you try to shift that habit. It’s very normal that starting to pay attention may bring up things you didn’t expect. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t force anything. If you’d like support with whatever comes up, finding a therapist can help.

What does that mean exactly, to listen to your body? Related to progressive muscle relaxation, it means to notice how your body is reacting to the tightening of your muscles. To start with, make sure you take note of any muscles that are or have been injured. Dr. Bourne notes that the only contraindication of PMR for anxiety is injury. Do not tense any muscle groups that have been injured. Beyond that, even if the muscle groups haven’t been injured, stop if you start to feel any pain.

Even further than that, if any of it is uncomfortable, stop there too. Discomfort is a close cousin to pain. If you haven’t paid attention to your body much, it can take some time to know what the difference is. You are the only one who can accurately assess this. You want to err on the side of not tensing too much until you get a better sense of how your body reacts. Once you have a good sense, you will want to clench as tightly as possible without hurting yourself in order to get the most benefit from the practice.

People who have chronic low back pain for instance will want to skip tightening the low back. If you have any kind of TMJ symptoms, you should skip clenching your jaw. You know your body and its history. Pay attention to that and honor what you know, so that you don’t further injure yourself. 

Progressive muscle relaxation is not here to show off your strength, or your ability to tense your muscles tighter than anyone else.

The only way to do it “right” is to practice listening to yourself, and practice experiencing a state of relaxation. 

You are deepening your ability to become relaxed by helping your body recognize what tense and relaxed feels like to you. And only you can figure that out.

About the Author

I love the long term benefits that practicing PMR for anxiety can provide. Owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy based in Madison, WI, I offer online therapy for women throughout Massachusetts and virtual therapy throughout Wisconsin.

I’m a clinical social worker and have worked in school, community mental health and hospice settings. In addition to anxiety counseling, I also provide therapy for depression and HSP therapy.

Interested in amplifying the benefits of practicing PMR for anxiety?