Progressive Relaxation for anxiety shouldn’t make you more anxious: How to adjust PMR scripts to work for you from a Massachusetts Anxiety Counselor

Hello! I’m Bronwyn, a Massachusetts anxiety therapist for women and HSPs. Previously I’ve written about what Progressive Muscle Relaxation is (also called PMR), and how to practice PMR for anxiety.

PMR, developed in the early 1900’s by physician and psychiatrist Edmund Jacobson, is based on the principle that you cannot be anxious if your body is relaxed.

Progressive relaxation for anxiety is a practice that takes about 20 minutes. It involves tensing and releasing all the muscle groups in the body. This practice not only helps you to recognize tension in your body throughout the day, it also creates a state of deep relaxation. 

Today I’ll be talking about something you may have already noticed if you’ve looked up any Progressive Relaxation scripts on youtube. A lot of the guided scripts use the word “relax” a lot. On one hand, this does make sense, since PMR is about relaxing your muscles. On another hand, it might leave you feeling irritated. If that’s the case, this post is for you. 

Why telling yourself to relax might do the opposite

Using the word “relax” as a command, or even suggestion, is complex. First of all, if you’ve ever told someone who is anxious to relax, you know that it might be one of the least helpful things you can say. If you have ever been anxious and had someone tell you to relax, you understand that it just makes things worse. If it were that simple, you would have relaxed already! 

When people tell women to relax, it adds another layer of complexity. Women have historically been (and are still currently) pathologized as being “too emotional.”

Being told to relax minimizes and dismisses the real and valid emotions that someone is expressing. 

For all these reasons, hearing someone tell you to relax, over and over, in a Progressive Relaxation for anxiety script, might not help you achieve a state of deep relaxation. It might even do the opposite. 

If none of this is true for you, and hearing someone tell you to relax actually works, great! You can keep using whatever Progressive Relaxation for anxiety script you want. If hearing the word “relax” repeatedly makes you want to crawl out of your skin, keep reading.

Progressive Relaxation for anxiety script adjustment #1: Use “release” instead

First of all, there are guided Progressive Relaxation videos out there on youtube that use the word “release” instead of “relax.” They might use the word “relaxation” in relation to noticing what it feels like after you have released tension from your muscles. This is quite different from using “relax” as a command. Using these kinds of guided recordings might be enough to work for you. Listen to a sampling of recordings to see what kind of music and voice, as well as language, works best for you.

Progressive Relaxation for anxiety script adjustment #2: Replace “relax” entirely

However, you still may want to minimize the word “relax” in all its forms for this exercise. If this is the case, you can play with what you say when you are practicing progressive muscle relaxation. You can take written scripts or prompts for PMR and alter them. Then you can practice them enough that you are familiar with the steps and don’t need to look at the notes. Some people like to record themselves reading a script. Edmund Bourne, PhD, has a great script and description of how to tighten and release muscle groups in his book The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. (see Chapter 3, Relaxation)

If you want to experiment with different language to use when practicing Progressive Relaxation for anxiety, here are a few other words you can consider:

• Release
  

• Soften
  

• Melt
  

• Dissolve

I do like “release” the best to use when you are actively releasing tension from tightened muscles. It conveys more speed than other words. As Edmund Bourne, PhD notes, you want to release the tension more suddenly, and less gradually. However, when you are noticing what your muscles feel like after you have released the tension, it might be helpful to use imagery and words like soft or smooth in relation to your muscles. You may also want to imagine any tension melting or dissolving in addition to releasing it. With these words, many people find it helpful to envision tension being released into the ground. 

Integrating Progressive Relaxation for Anxiety into your life

If you’re finding that anxiety is getting in the way of your relationships, job, or life in general, therapy is a great place to get support. Using strategies like Progressive Muscle Relaxation, in combination with having a dedicated space to get to the root of your anxiety, can be really helpful. Learn more about how to find a therapist here.

However you decide to practice progressive relaxation for anxiety, keep in mind that it will take some time. You need time to experiment with what kind of script you want to use. Do you want to listen to someone else? Familiarize yourself with the process and guide yourself? Make your own recording of the prompts? Once you’ve figured that out, it takes time to solidify the practice as a habit. As with most anxiety coping strategies, it’s not a magic pill. But it can make a huge difference!

About the Author

I’m a clinical social worker who loves to support women and HSPs decrease their anxiety.

Licensed in Massachusetts, Wisconsin, and Washington, DC, I provide telehealth therapy in Wisconsin and DC as well as online therapy in Massachusetts, including Boston, Cambridge, Somerville and Winchester.

In addition to counseling for anxiety, I also offer depression therapy and therapy for Highly Sensitive People.