The Importance of Rest: An Anxiety Therapist in Madison, WI talks about why it’s not that simple

I often hear clients say they would love to be able to sit on the couch and do nothing sometimes. But when they do, it just makes them feel guilty. It’s quite the frustrating dilemma.

I’m Bronwyn, an anxiety therapist who works with women and Highly Sensitive People (HSPs).

With my clients, it’s much more common that they will end up “doing” more often than “being.” 

My clients find themselves following a rule that requires a quota of productivity in order to “earn” rest.  But that quota likely never gets filled, or when they try to rest they just end up feeling antsy or anxious. The internal pressure to “Do Something” doesn’t let them actually rest. 

The importance of rest is often subverted by capitalism

This phenomena is not surprising, since I work with women and HSPs in the United States (specifically Wisconsin, Washington, DC, and Massachusetts). The U.S. capitalist culture very much prioritizes productivity over rest. We live in a culture that puts such a high value on productivity, it might be worse only in Japan.  In the U.S., taking more than two weeks vacation might be seen as tantamount to treason.

There are some companies that are catching on to the fact that rest is important. Unlimited time off is offered for many employees whose work is not direct service based. However, even if my clients have that offered at their jobs, they still feel a pressure to avoid sick days and lots of vacation. On paper the policy says you can take off as much as you want. However, in practice the culture still reflects that taking time for rest is frowned upon. Or, as I will talk about below, other things get in the way.

I have a friend who is French, and he is always incredulous when he hears how much time off most US companies give their employees. “Two weeks?! How is that even possible?” He shakes his head. (You’re right. He doesn’t say “How is that even possible.” That is definitely not French. It’s my paraphrase.)

I’m sure you’ve heard that people in France get way more than two weeks of paid vacation every year. The fact that no one is working the entire month of August. (Except for grocery store and hospital employees, no one really talks about that.) How much time off exactly, I’m not sure. (I think I blocked it out because back before I was self-employed, my coping method for my jealousy was to forget how much time off they really get.)

Also, remember siestas?
That’s a real thing.

People all over the world take naps, and they could have a lower risk of heart attacks as a result. 

The importance of rest for productivity

My point is, the way that we view rest in the U.S. is not universally accepted. So if anyone thinks that your nap on the couch means you’re lazy, well, you are allowed to have another opinion. In fact, some people actually find that the opposite is true. The more rest they get, the more productive they are. People like Ebony Janice Moore have figured this out. This is especially true for Highly Sensitive people. If you’re Highly Sensitive, you are taking in more information than non-HSPs. This means that your brain needs more down time, more rest, to stay at full capacity. 

If you’re struggling with feeling burned out, rest is even more important. Yet likely more difficult to do. If that’s the case, try a simple daily reflection to start recovering from burnout.

When feelings get in the way of resting

But my clients already know all of this.

They are whip smart.

They understand on an intellectual level that rest is important. Yet there is a confounding and frustrating gap between their cognition and their felt experience. 

For my clients, the trouble is not that they don’t know that resting is good for them. What they wouldn’t give for the ability to do nothing! The trouble is that they can’t get past the feelings that come up when they try to rest. They feel guilty, full of shame, lazy, that they’re doing something wrong. They hear a million admonitions telling them to “Do Something.” The laundry list (often literally the laundry) is endless, and becomes painfully apparent anytime they try to take a break.

I wish I could tell you the answer that I give to my clients when this happens. If only me saying, “You’re not lazy!” were the antidote. Sure, reminding yourself of the fact that humans continue to need 6-10 hours of sleep each night in order to exist might help. But in spite of all your knowing, those pesky feelings are likely to keep surfacing. And “the answer” (in quotes because there is no one answer) is in the exploration. The reasons that all those painful feelings of guilt and shame come up are different for every person. Yes, there are themes, like I noted earlier, that might have to do with capitalist societies and whatnot. But even siblings who grew up with the same parents all react somewhat differently to that same environment. So the work that is helpful is getting more clear about your pesky feelings. 

What comes up for you when you try to rest? Where do you feel it in your body? What comes to mind? The answers to these questions can lead to greater ease in resting.

About the Author

I work with women and Highly Sensitive People to help untangle uncomfortable feelings in order to make room for things like rest.

I’m a psychotherapist based in Madison, WI and licensed in Wisconsin, Washington, DC, and Massachusetts. A graduate of Smith College School for Social Work, my experience and training has taught me that the things underneath the surface have a big influence.

In addition to counseling for anxiety, I also provide depression therapy and therapy for the Highly Sensitive Person. I offer telehealth therapy throughout Wisconsin, virtual therapy in Washington, DC, and online therapy in Boston and throughout Massachusetts.