Why knowing you’re Highly Sensitive Matters: An HSP Therapist weighs in

Hello! I’m Bronwyn, a therapist for Highly Sensitive people. The trait of High Sensitivity has become quite widely known in the last 30 years, thanks to new research from Elaine Aron and others. This spotlight has validated the experience of many people who have been shamed and dismissed for being “too sensitive.”

It makes a difference to know you’re Highly Sensitive.

Why HSP matters Reason #1: Self-understanding

Many people who discover that they are Highly Sensitive (also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity, SPS) have the experience of relief. They feel incredibly validated and understood. For years they have been told they are “too sensitive.” They have been given the message that their needs are wrong and that they are defective. They have spent their lives trying to fit themselves into the mold that other people tell them is normal. They try to make quick decisions, go out on the town every night, watch horror movies, and tune out the jackhammer outside their office. And they end up feeling irritated, anxious, and depleted. On top of that, they think it’s their fault. It’s a vicious cycle! 

When HSPs discover the trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity, it feels like things click into place. Things about them make sense.

They begin to feel like it’s not all their fault.

They also stop trying to change the things about themselves that can’t be changed. For example, once they learn that HSPs need more down time, they stop trying to go out every night like their non-HSP friends. 

I think it’s also important to say that in my experience, discovering the Highly Sensitive Person trait often carries mixed reactions. The word “sensitive” is loaded here in the U.S. It’s not uncommon that learning about the trait will expose a lot of shame associated with being sensitive. However, if you’re experiencing shame around the term “Highly Sensitive,” I’m guessing that shame didn’t originate with the trait itself but with other people’s reaction to the trait.

Learning about the trait of High Sensitivity can be a game changer for HSPs. Things that looked like depression and anxiety may turn out to be responses to HSP overstimulation. Behaviors labeled as “shy” are actually highly developed risk management tactics. Which brings me to the next reason HSP matters. 

Why HSP matters Reason #2: What your therapist should know

As an HSP, you have needs that are not the same as non-HSPs. It’s important for your therapist to understand what HSP needs are. You want your therapist to be discerning about distinguishing between common presentations that overlap with High Sensitivity.

For example, part of the HSP trait includes having a lower threshold for large group social interactions. This can easily be mistaken for social anxiety. Can you be Highly Sensitive and also experience social anxiety? Sure. But if your therapist is recommending increasing your social interactions as a way to make you more comfortable in groups, that could backfire if you’re an HSP. If you’re Highly Sensitive, you want to look at how you can increase your down time so that your nervous system is better equipped to be in large group situations. And you may want to skip the groups that aren’t necessary or nourishing.

Looking for a therapist in your state who knows about Highly Sensitive People? Check out Elaine Aron’s HSP Therapist Directory.

Why HSP matters Reason #3: Distinguishing between depression and anxiety

Speaking of therapy, High Sensitivity can mimic experiences that look like depression and anxiety. I’ll give some examples. First, as I noted earlier, HSPs are more quickly overstimulated in large groups of people. This is often mistaken for social anxiety. Second, taking longer to make decisions can be seen as anxiety.

Your skills of complex thinking are not the same as anxiety.

Third, needing more down time away from other people can be seen as depression. Discerning between downtime and isolation is important so that you know what to do about each. Downtime needs to be protected; isolation should be decreased. Further, getting your HSP needs met can help decrease things that look like depression and anxiety.

Why HSP matters Reason #4: Maximize your joy

This is one of my favorite reasons that HSP matters. If you’re Highly Sensitive, chances are you have felt the weight of the world in a big way. Your great capacity for empathy can leave you feeling flattened and depleted. The pain of other people, in addition to your own, can feel crushing.

This is why it’s especially important to understand that as a Highly Sensitive person,

you can also feel more joy than non-HSPs.

Highly Sensitive People experience all emotions more intensely than non-HSPs. Keeping that in mind can be a helpful antidote to the acute pain you may feel. Simply knowing and noticing that your joy is amplified can help buffer your distress. 

What are other reasons that being Highly Sensitive matters to you? The more you understand about the trait and yourself, the more you can talk back to the culture that shames sensitivity. And that means less shame for you to feel!

About the Author

HSP therapist and owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy, I love supporting HSPs in reframing their experience of sensitivity.

In addition to therapy for Highly Sensitive people, I provide counseling for depression and anxiety therapy via online therapy in Wisconsin, virtual therapy in the District of Columbia, and telehealth therapy in Massachusetts.