Three Misconceptions about Highly Sensitive People: A Depression Therapist Talks Back

Hello! I’m Bronwyn, a depression therapist who works with women and Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). I hear a good number of misconceptions about High Sensitivity. Many of them are related to mistaking the HSP trait with depression. Others include thinking that HSPs are indecisive. The myth I hear the most often is that people who are Highly Sensitive are weak.

None of these misconceptions are true. I am so happy to be discussing the flaws of these myths of what it means to be Highly Sensitive. 

One of my goals in writing about common HSP misconceptions is to validate your needs and gifts as a Highly Sensitive Person. 

HSP brains are different. And if you have an HSP brain, you need different things than non-HSPs.

Before we get started, let me spell out that the trait of High Sensitivity, also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), is highly researched. It’s real. High Sensitivity can also look like depression, or anxiety, or a healthy reaction to trauma. Elaine Aron, in her book Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person, goes into detail about these distinctions. A broad statement about these distinctions is that High Sensitivity will always have some component in each of the four main SPS categories: D.O.E.S. (Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Responsiveness, and Subtle Stimuli Sensitivity)

Misconception of High Sensitivity #1: Sensitivity = Weakness

This myth is responsible for most of the shame that Highly Sensitive People feel. Although it should be, sensitivity is unfortunately not a goal that many people strive for. Being “sensitive” has a lot of baggage in our white supremacist heteropatriarchy. We are taught that sensitivity is to be avoided at all costs. “Toughen up.” “You’ve got to get thicker skin.”  “Don’t take it so personally.” “Get over it.” “You’re being too sensitive.” You’ve heard that and more I’m sure!

The implication of all these messages is that if you’re sensitive, there’s something wrong with you. The takeaway is that you need to change who you are, because who you are is weak. Let me pause for a moment here to clarify that I don’t think weakness is bad. Weakness is part of being human. It’s just a painful part of being human, and so like many things that are hard to tolerate, we shun it. In debunking the myth that HSPs are weak, I don’t want to also reinforce the lie that weakness is shameful. But that’s a topic for another day.

For now I will first say that we probably wouldn’t call an orchid “weak” because you can’t plant it in the same soil as your geraniums. Exquisite, yes. Rare, absolutely. Confounding if you don’t know how to take care of them, maybe. But not weak.

Orchids are a flower that is often used as an analogy for Highly Sensitive People.

Orchids have very specific growing needs. You have to get the light right. You can’t use the same potting mix as your do for geraniums. You have to water them pretty much the exact right amount. It’s similar with HSPs. They need different growing conditions than non-HSPs. But that doesn’t mean they are weak. It just means that they need different things.

I will also point out that experiencing a higher amount of empathy takes a lot of strength. HSPs have more active mirror neurons, which means they experience more empathy than non-HSPs. If you have ever felt someone else’s pain before, you know it’s not an easy thing to do.

Misconception of High Sensitivity #2: HSPs are just depressed

Highly Sensitive People have a greater capacity to think deeply about things. They tend to love looking for meaning in everyday tasks and life in general. If you don’t have the tendency to do this, it might seem like depression manifesting as rumination.

HSPs also need more down time, away from activity and people, than non-HSPs.

This can be misinterpreted as depression in the form of isolation.

Another piece of depression can be feeling depleted. HSPs are more likely to feel depleted than non-HSPs because of what I talked about earlier. The world is not built for orchids. So often, in doing things that are difficult to avoid, HSPs become overstimulated and therefore depleted. Being depleted because you’re overstimulated is different from being depleted because you’re depressed. 

HSP Misconception #3: Highly Sensitive People are indecisive

You’re allowed to debate me on the semantics here. The definition of indecisive is: “not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively.” So the “quickly” part, absolutely. HSPs do take a long time to make decisions. The misconception is that taking a long time to make decisions means the decision is ineffective. In fact taking time is what allows HSPs to make incredibly effective decisions. In my experience, there are few decisions that, made quickly, are also long term effective. 

Further, part of the HSP trait includes minimizing risks. This means that HSPs tend to consider all the long term consequences of a decision. As a result, their decisions take longer and are really strong! 

What are other misconceptions about being a Highly Sensitive Person that you have encountered? What’s your rebuttal?

About the Author

I’m a depression counselor who loves to talk back to HSP myths.

Owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy, I also provide anxiety therapy and therapy for HSPs to women in Wisconsin via telehealth therapy and online therapy in Massachusetts.