A Depression Therapist talks about HSP and depression

Hi! I’m Bronwyn, a depression therapist based in Madison, WI. I provide online therapy for women and Highly Sensitive People throughout Wisconsin, Massachusetts and Washington, DC. Previously I’ve talked about what depression feels like. Today I’m focusing on the intersection of HSP and depression. 

Before you dive in, I want to be clear that my goal in writing about this is not to make you feel more powerless and hopeless. It’s the opposite. My hope is that reading this will make you feel more understood. Knowing you are not alone in your experience can help build hope. I even published the sequel to this blog - finding the hope in HSP depression - first, so that you could jump right to it after reading this. I also included some statements of hope in italics at the end of each section.

If you’re Highly Sensitive, what about your depression feels different? One way to summarize the experience of HSP and depression is to say that it is  the same, but amplified. In other words, your experience of depression as an HSP will still include things like feeling powerless, ruminating, invalidation, and depletion. But it will all be amplified because of your High Sensitivity. 

HSP and depression amplifies feeling powerless

Feeling powerless and getting swept away by the wave of what is wrong in the world are things that anyone can experience. However, these are more difficult hurdles for HSPs because of the higher amount of empathy HSPs have. It is more difficult for you as a Highly Sensitive person to disengage from feeling your own pain. It’s also harder for HSPs to disconnect from other people’s pain. This could be the pain of loved ones and also the pain of the world. 

Just because you feel powerless doesn’t mean you have no power. With good support and your keen HSP skill of deep processing, you’ll be able to find it again.

HSP and depression amplifies rumination

Rumination is part of a cycle of depression for most people. However, breaking that cycle can be harder for HSPs, because it likely happens more often. Why? Two reasons. First, Highly Sensitive People tend to gravitate toward existential questions already. You love to think deeply and process and reflect. In a state of depression, this can become overwhelming. Any little thing can set you off to start ruminating about the meaning of the world, or why you are here, or why there is suffering. 

Second, HSPs can have a more intense reaction to pain, emotional or physical. You’re more likely to find yourself reeling to what other people might consider a minor slight. Since hurtful experiences are what can set off a cycle of ruminating, then HSPs are more prone to this because more things are likely to feel hurtful to you.

HSP wisdom: getting your own needs met is a critical piece of coping with rumination and hurt. Think of it as shoring yourself up.

HSP and depression amplifies invalidation  

Even without depression there is often some level of feeling “other” - like there is something wrong with you - for having the HSP trait. This could be one of the things that causes or contributes to the depression. Alternatively, if this feeling of being wrong is around for reasons other than being Highly Sensitive, it will likely be amplified because of your High Sensitivity.

There may be more ways that invalidation shows up for you as an HSP than for non-HSPs. Why? Because typically, what you need, and what you notice as an HSP doesn’t match the majority of the population needs and notices. So you might tire of being misunderstood: Why are you staying in tonight, everyone is going out? Why do you care that something unfair is happening at work, it doesn't have anything to do with you? Why do you get so irritated when you smell the neighbor’s dryer sheets, I never notice it?

Make sure you remind yourself often that you are not alone. Your needs as an HSP are valid.

HSP and depression can amplify isolation

Isolation is another common experience of depression. You may find that feeling isolated is amplified if you’re Highly Sensitive. Making an effort to actually engage with other people can feel monumental when you’re feeling depressed. And, as we noted earlier, HSPs are often misunderstood. On a good day, you can weather that. In a time of feeling depressed, your invalidation antennae will be on high alert. Any misunderstanding or dismissal can feel devastating in those moments. This can make it harder to seek out social company again. To shield yourself from hearing people tell you to “cheer up” or “suck it up,” you may isolate more, which only feeds the cycle of despair, rumination, and hopelessness.

The experience of feeling different has the potential to both amplify the feelings of isolation that come with depression and the hopelessness as well. You might find yourself thinking, is everyone else right? Do I just need to suck it up? And what is that going to look like if I just have to suck it up, because that feels intolerable?

As an HSP, you have a great ability to connect with others. It will take time, but finding people who respect and understand you is possible.

HSP and depression can amplify depletion

Many people experience depletion when they are depressed. Again, the HSP experience of depression can mean amplified depletion. HSPs not only need more sleep than non-HSPs, they are also more easily affected by sleep deprivation. So when it’s harder to sleep if you’re feeling depressed, you’re at greater risk for feeling depleted. Further, in a culture that doesn’t value rest, down time, or adequate sleep, it takes a lot of effort for HSPs to claim these needs. So it’s an uphill climb to get these needs met, and to recover from not getting those needs met. 

As much as possible, try to keep in mind that your needs are ok. This can help when you’re trying to get them met.

HSP and depression is not hopeless!

You may be feeling pretty heavy after reading all of this. My goal in spelling out the tendencies is not to make you feel hopeless. My goal is to make you feel seen and understood. The next step, after realizing that you are not alone, is to learn about how to cope with depression as an HSP. I’ve written about that in another post, please make sure you read that next. It is completely possible to thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person!

About the Author

I’m an HSP therapist who loves to talk back to HSP depression. In addition to therapy for Highly Sensitive people, I also provide counseling for depression and anxiety therapy.

Owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy in Madison, WI, I work with women and HSPs via online therapy in Wisconsin, telehealth therapy throughout Massachusetts, and virtual therapy in Washington, DC.