5 Tips for the Highly Sensitive Person
Hello! I’m Bronwyn, a therapist for Highly Sensitive People. I’m based in Madison, WI and work with women online throughout Wisconsin and Massachusetts. I’ve talked about what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person. Today I’ll be talking about five areas to pay attention to in order to maximize the benefits of being a Highly Sensitive Person.
Start finding comfort and feeling more solid
As an HSP, it can feel like you aren’t doing it right. Other people are doing just fine, why aren’t you? Turns out, you have different needs - your brain is wired differently. Most people don’t need what you do, and that’s ok. You’re not wrong. You are amazing, in fact. You just have to pay attention to what it is that you need.
Getting your HSP needs met makes it easier to feel less overwhelmed by your emotions, find hope for HSP depression, and actually see benefits of being highly sensitive.
HSP Tip #1: More downtime
Highly Sensitive people have different brains - HSP brains take in a lot more information and need more time to process that information. That means you get more overwhelmed more quickly than people who are not processing at the depth that you are. It means things like that jackhammer outside your office or your neighbor’s dryer sheets are going to affect you more intensely than other people. Your brain multiplies the irritation in a sense.
To keep you and your brain from feeling depleted, you need a very simple solution: more down time. It’s not always easy to do this! You might feel guilty every time you try to rest. Further, other people may look at you like you have three heads when you say you’re going to head home after a day at the museum, that you won’t be joining them at the clubs for dancing. That’s ok, let them party it up. If you want to enjoy tomorrow’s delights, you will need to revel in the luxury of quiet alone time.
And really, try thinking of it as a special gift that you get. You love drinking in a sunset. You look forward to restorative yoga at the end of the day. And that’s why - because your brain is getting renewed and nourished during those times.
Claim that need. Schedule it in. Look forward to it.
HSP Tip #2: More sleep
Not surprising, given what we just said about downtime.
Your body and brain need 8-10 hours of sleep a night.
(Whaaat?!) Yup, none of this “I can get by on 6 hours of sleep.” You can’t, actually. Over time your body will let you know what it thinks about that lack of sleep (and lack of downtime). You know your body best, but headaches and other pain, irritability, fatigue, tight muscles may be some things you notice. When your body is not getting enough rest (downtime and sleep), it produces too many stress hormones (cortisol). Over time that can lead to inflammation, which can be linked to a variety of health issues.
Sleep is a tough one. If you have struggled with this for as long as you can remember, know you are not alone. There are so many factors in being able to sleep. It can involve a lot of trial and error, professional support, and patience. Try not to get discouraged when you can’t sleep, or aren’t getting enough sleep. Think of it as a long-term guidepost.
And, harness your love of curling up under some soft sheets! The 8-10 hours doesn’t have to be all sleeping. Elaine Aron says some of that can simply be time spent in bed.
Claim that need. Schedule it in. Look forward to it.
HSP Tip #3: Set limits
In order to get that downtime and sleep, you’ll need to get good at setting limits. You will not be able to sit on every board, go to every PTO meeting, learn to play the guitar, cello and flute. Notice how much you can commit to, and don’t commit to more than that. You (and your partner, boss, children and friends) want to be with your best self. Set up your days and weeks to make that happen. If it means saying no to things that other people really want you to do, so be it. Don’t overextend yourself.
Your limits are not good or bad, they just are. Everyone has them. Learn to notice what they are for you.
If you like quantifiers and charts, check out Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook. She has a chapter dedicated to tracking your energy and how to schedule your time. You can also ask yourself at the end of the day, What gave me energy today? What depleted me? When did I start feeling frazzled? What helped me feel more solid?
Claim that need. Schedule it in. Look forward to it!
HSP Tip #4: Ground yourself
As an HSP, your brain has more active mirror neurons than people who are not highly sensitive. What are mirror neurons? They are what the brain uses to feel empathy. Hence the great ability that HSPs have for empathizing with other people! You biologically have more natural empathy.
Although your empathy is one of the gifts of being highly sensitive, it is also something to protect. It takes practice to figure out whether you’re feeling your own distress or someone else’s. Sometimes it’s very clear, and you’ll know why you’re feeling upset. Other times you’ll need to spend some time sussing out where a feeling came from. Often it will be a bit of both. For example, something that might feel like it came out of nowhere might have touched on something that hit a nerve for you. You can provide a buffer for your many mirror neurons by practicing some kind of grounding.
When I used the word “grounding,” I’m referring to the mental health term that includes exercises to keep you connected to your own body.
(It’s related to grounding/earthing that are practices to electrically ground you to the earth, but not the same.) Sometimes you can use your five senses to help take you out of distress. That can be things like placing your feet flat on the floor, smelling a strong comforting scent, listing cities that begin with “A,” or holding a cup of tea.
Other ways of grounding help you both connect with the energy of the earth and protect your own energy. (Again, not the same as “earthing.”) You can imagine a shield around yourself, or walk barefoot on the grass. You might also like Donna Eden’s energy exercises for grounding. Two you can google are “Heaven and Earth” and “Zip-up.” These are both part of her Five-minute energy boost. (This link contains the entire energy boost. If you want just the Heaven and Earth and Zip-up, skip to 6:40.) If you check out Donna Eden, be aware that if you are feeling depressed, Donna’s joy can seem jolting. Keep in mind that you don’t have to feel that way now or ever, just try the exercises and see what you think.
Claim that need. Schedule it in. Look forward to it.
HSP Tip #5:
Find out what comforts you
This is number five, but perhaps the most important. You won’t look forward to that downtime if you don’t have something in there that nourishes and soothes you. You will be much better able to say no to the PTO meeting if you have an energizing activity all lined up.
Your brain and body need to be soothed after a normal day of encountering things like that jackhammer outside the office.
What excites you? What makes you feel alive? Where are you when your soul smiles? What textures are soothing to you? What music calms you down? What scents are energizing? Start noticing your answers to these questions.
The more often you think about what comforts you, the more easily you’ll be able to add those things to your routine. Gradually build these things into your everyday. It won’t happen overnight. Start small with something like using a soothing song as your wake-up alarm. Build up from there. Make comfort your go-to, find it as often as you can.
Claim that need. Schedule it in. Look forward to it.
About the Author
Psychotherapist and owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy, I want women and HSPs to embrace their needs as completely valid.
Therapy for HSPs can help you claim your unique needs. I provide online therapy for women living in Wisconsin, telehealth therapy in Massachusetts, depression therapy, and anxiety therapy. Wanting to lean into getting your needs met?