When noticing beauty feels impossible

Harness your astute perception

One of your strengths as Highly Sensitive Person is your exquisite attention and noticing subtleties: the purple of a crocus under the leaves in spring; the fact that the room is a little too cold, or that someone is sitting alone at a party. Although it may feel like this noticing is a burden (you don’t always want to feel responsible for changing what you notice, for example), you also use it as a strength. As I talked about in a previous post, noticing how you yourself are feeling is one way to harness your astute perception for your own benefit.

Another way that your ability to notice might feel like a burden is when it is accompanied by someone’s pain, whether someone you know or on the news: the flash of anguish in your friend’s face; another Black man murdered; another child separated from its parents at the border; another friend going through a divorce. For you, everything is amplified, especially when you’re depressed: other people feel pain and notice things too, but they don’t pick up on all the subtleties that you do, or feel the same crushing pain that you feel.

The awful, the unfair, these are the things that overwhelm you and keep you up at night. These things stick so easily, are impossible to unsee: the way your boss treats people unfairly; lack of adequate medical care; another school shooting and hate crime; knowing children are going hungry. And they seem to be everywhere, both in the news and in your life. This is a reality.

Acknowledging the reality of beauty

And, there is another part of reality. The beautiful part. It’s just as true as the awful, and yet so much harder to find, so much easier for it to remain unnoticed. 

Your ability to notice doesn’t stop at the awful. You also notice the wind in the leaves and the way the sunlight flickers on the green against a blue sky; the way the rain drops fall more slowly from the leaves underneath the leaves, puddling on the earth below; the time your child goes to bed without complaint and the change in key at the end of a symphony; the taste of a fresh tomato and the kindness of the person bagging your groceries. It’s just harder to hold onto this reality. (I mean when’s the last time you saw this headline: “Woman notices flower growing out of the cement”? Exactly, never.) 

Experiment with noticing beauty

There will always be both. And you will always have the innate capacity to notice both. Since it’s harder to notice the beauty, especially when you’re depleted, depressed and feeling hopeless, try this experiment: every time you notice sorrow, disparity, lack, injustice, anguish - make an effort to notice some evidence of beauty, joy, abundance, fairness. It might feel pointless or impossible, but even trying makes an impact. It might also feel wrong to notice joy in the midst of someone’s pain; if so, simply notice that as well. The beauty you notice doesn’t have to be monumental, it can be your favorite mug, the sound of the wind, holding your child’s hand, a smile from a coworker. It might feel silly or inauthentic; if so, yes, notice that too.


Noticing the beauty doesn’t erase the awful, they are both still there. But both are there, it’s not just awful, even though it feels that way. And trying out this reality can be the potential for something hopeful.

Bronwyn Shiffer, LCSW, LICSW

A therapist based in Madison, WI (and working with women throughout Wisconsin and Massachusetts), I support women’s capacity to notice the beautiful. Specializing in working with Highly Sensitive People, I love witnessing subtle and significant shifts of my clients as they notice more about themselves. Interested in starting therapy? Book a complementary consult call here.

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