Reclaim the word “Sensitive”: Tip #1 in the How to Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person Series

Hello! I’m Bronwyn, HSP therapist for women living in Massachusetts, Wisconsin, and Washington, DC. There are a lot of tips out there for HSPs on how to thrive.

For example, as an HSP you need more downtime, clear limits, and lots of grounding.

Tips on thriving as an HSP include reclaiming the word “sensitive,” protecting your time, nourishing yourself, practicing grounding, and getting HSP-specific support from things like books, groups, podcasts, and HSP therapists. Today I want to dig a little deeper into the first tip on how to thrive as a Highly Sensitive person, reclaiming the word “sensitive.”

The anti-sensitivity message doesn’t help you thrive

“Sensitive” is a loaded word. It can be used as a compliment, but I’m betting you have heard it most often as an insult. In the white patriarchal culture of the US, where I live, sensitivity is something to grow out of. It’s something we are made to feel ashamed of. Sensitivity is seen as a weakness and to be avoided at all costs. 

How often have you heard,
“Stop being so sensitive,”
“You’re just too sensitive,” or
“Why do you have to be so sensitive?”

This is certainly a painful message for people who feel things deeply! It’s not uncommon that, when first learning about the trait of High Sensitivity, you might feel ashamed or angry and want to ignore it. There is a lot of pressure to hide it. Society’s anti-sensitivity message may have been reinforced by family and friends. You might even be afraid that you will lose connection with your loved ones if you acknowledge your sensitivity. It’s real that sensitivity is shunned and sometimes punished.

Reclaiming “Sensitive” takes effort

I don’t pretend that reclaiming the word “sensitive” is easy. It might require that you delve into painful feelings and acknowledge harm that has been done. You may need to assess the potential effects on relationships. And it will require going against the mainstream. 

Yet, reclaiming the word “sensitive” might also yield some benefit. The more we can accept who we are, the less inner turmoil we feel. If you claim the word sensitive as an asset, it opens possibilities for using the gifts that come with it. 

Not all cultures shun sensitivity! Elaine Aron, PhD’s research on HSPs shows that traits of High Sensitivity are valued in countries like China.

Redefine “Sensitive” as a way to thrive as an HSP

My invitation to you is to talk back to the culture that shames sensitivity. The world needs sensitivity! There are so many gifts of sensitivity. The world may not realize it, but it desperately needs empathy. We need conscientious thinkers. We absolutely need people who care deeply. We need to think before acting, taking into account the potential long term effects of our decisions.

All of these benefits of sensitivity probably feel like second nature to you. They may feel more like a burden than like a gift. I want to be clear that I am not inviting you to feel more deeply, offer more empathy, and feel more responsible for making everyone contemplate the effects of their actions. Absolutely not. You do that enough already. 

What I am inviting you to do is to rethink your assessment and definition of sensitivity.

Who you are, what you do, all that you offer - it matters.

Your example and presence in the world is crucial. When you claim this reality, things shift inside you. You can start clearing out the space that shame was taking up and fill it up with things that nourish you. 

You are in charge of what you claim and how you define yourself

You get to define who you are. You may choose to avoid the word “sensitive” altogether. That’s ok! I would still invite you to acknowledge the gifts that you offer, in whatever language works for you. Doing this can also shift things inside you, and move away from the message of shame.

Where do you notice messages of shame around sensitivity?

How can you talk back to the white hetero-patriarchy about sensitivity?

How does sensitivity-shaming show up in your interactions, relationships, and in the media? What do you want to say to these messages? 

You don’t need to create a youtube channel to talk back. As a first step, you can see what it feels like to notice the message you’re getting and notice how that makes you feel. From there you can begin to articulate an internal response. What would you like to say to the message? How does it feel when you articulate your response? 

Keep noticing. HSPs are experts on noticing! And keep defining “sensitive” on your own terms.

About the Author

Owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy based in Madison, WI, I’m a therapist for women and Highly Sensitive People who live in Massachusetts, Washington, DC and Wisconsin. I love exploring the many ways to thrive as an HSP! I consider any opportunity to talk back to the white hetero-patriarchy a win.

I’ve written tips on understanding your needs as a Highly Sensitive person. I’ve also written an overview of tips to help you thrive as an HSP and have been interviewed about how to survive and thrive as an HSP.

I offer online therapy in Massachusetts, virtual therapy in Wisconsin, and telehealth therapy in Washington, DC. In addition to HSP therapy, I also offer counseling for depression and therapy for anxiety.