A Depression Counselor in Madison, WI talks about How to Overcome Depression
You can move through depression.
I know, it’s a pretty lofty title! Notice that I did not say “How to Overcome Depression in 3 Easy Steps.” Overcoming depression is a process, and it’s anything but easy. I might even argue that depression is not something to overcome but to listen to.
Before I dive in: What do you mean when you say depression? You might think of crying all the time, or not being able to get out of bed. Yes, that’s included in depression. And, depression can look like so many things in addition to being sad that might not be obvious. Depression and High Sensitivity can make depression feel amplified. Here are some descriptors that you may resonate with:
Depression as Depletion
Whatever energy you had is gone. You feel like a dried-up sponge, hollow, no room for anything not to go to plan. It feels like you are carrying a weight, like you are walking through water. Your brain feels foggy, like you’re underwater. You do things like forgetting to turn off the stove or misplace your keys. All you want to do is sleep - you can barely get up in the morning and all day at work you think about nothing but crawling into bed.
Depression as Feeling Incredibly Alone
People who love you might make it worse - “Cheer up!” is like nails on a chalkboard. “Snap out of it” makes you want to hit something, and “You take things too personally” sends you down a spiral of self-blame. “You’re too sensitive” takes on another level of invalidation when heard from a state of depression.
Being with friends used to brighten your day, but now being with them makes you feel more disconnected. (It reminds you of the growing chasm between you and belonging.) Spending time alone used to be rejuvenating, but now you can’t even enjoy the beauty of a flower or your favorite music.
Depression as Feeling Powerless
One of the worst parts is feeling like it will never end. If you could cheer up you would. If you could have snapped out of it, you would have already. But it feels like there is no way out. You have tried eating more vegetables, you would love to take a walk three times a week but just showering is all you can muster. You feel defeated. These days of barely getting by and never getting ahead or any rest - they seem to stretch out forever.
Depression as Desperation and Panic
All of this can be terrifying - what if this is how I feel forever? How can I keep functioning? When will I ever feel like myself again? Why doesn’t anyone understand?
Why am I feeling this way?
The short answer is, it depends. Our life experience and childhood - including oppression, having a difficult childhood, distressing and painful or traumatic experiences - can lead to depression. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, not understanding or acknowledging what your Highly Sensitive self needs can also lead to depression.
Overcoming Depression
What can I do about depression?
Depression is not a life sentence. There are many coping skills for depression! The most common prescriptions are exercise, talk with a friend at least once a week, and try an antidepressant. These are all great interventions and work well for lots of people. Yet, you may have either tried those things and felt like a failure, or some of these things have been somewhat helpful, but not helpful enough. Your depression might feel worse in the winter. There is still a lot of hope, (especially if you’re an HSP). Here are three antidotes to start with:
Overcoming Depression Tip # 1. Name what you are feeling
It’s way more than the angry and sad emojis - it’s a crucial first step, and more nuanced. You can’t begin to know what to do about feeling crappy if you don’t know what kind of crappy you are feeling.
Read the descriptions above again - which emotions do you recognize? Don’t worry right now about doing anything about the depletion, you will get there. The first step is to name that depletion is what you are feeling. Then you will be able to notice when it happens specifically: what time of day, during what activities, does it feel heavy or empty, what makes it worse, when is it not present? Once you unleash your curiosity on the feelings, your brain will make more connections and start working what to do about it.
Overcoming Depression Tip # 2. Comfort, comfort, comfort
This will likely be particularly difficult for you. Your overactive inner critic will pull out all the stops as soon as you start claiming your need for comfort. Be on the lookout so you can say, “I thought I would see you here!” when your old friend the inner critic shows up.
Remember that focusing on the sensory was a way to help get through winter depression? The same principle applies all year round. When you’re depressed you don’t enjoy the things you used to. However, taking small actions to show yourself some comfort can make inroads into challenging the depletion. Even if you don’t feel like making yourself a cup of tea, the fact that you choose to do it creates a significant shift in your normal pattern of ignoring yourself.
HSP and Depression: use sensory soothing to your advantage
For all the HSPs, you more than other people respond so well to sensory stimulation, when done right. (Although you certainly don’t have to be highly sensitive to get benefit from sensory soothing.) What music is comforting? Make yourself a playlist. What scents make you smile? If it can be found as an essential oil or a lotion, put it in your desk, or your car, or anywhere you can take it out frequently throughout the day. One minute of wafts can go a long way. What textures calm you down? The soft part behind your cat’s ear? The feeling of grass under your feet? Or the pressure of hugging someone or something against your chest? Take note, and make contact with these textures as much as possible.
Overcoming Depression Tip # 3. Start small
Change takes time. You have been depressed for some time, and it will take time to move through it. So you don’t have the energy to clean out your closet? What is in your closet can stay there for the time being - all you need to do is put lotion on your hands and breathe in the scent. Listen to your favorite song. Pet your cat. You might not be able to enjoy them right now, but do them anyway. Over time, these small actions will keep connecting new neural pathways so that depletion, powerlessness and desperation are not the only things you are feeling.
Right now, what is one sensory comfort you can give yourself? Don’t wait - start small and start now.
About the Author
A Clinical Social Worker and owner of a psychotherapy practice in Madison, WI, I provide online therapy for women living in Wisconsin and Massachusetts. My clients may want to quiet their inner critic, or want to know how to deal with anxiety, or are wondering how they can thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person. I graduated from the Smith College School for Social Work with a Masters in Social Work so that I could become a therapist.
I know from experience that depression therapy is effective, and I would love to help you overcome your depression. I also provide anxiety therapy and therapy for Highly Sensitive People.
Looking for more support in overcoming depression?